“He that has ears to hear, let him hear.” —Matthew 11:15
We’re continuing our series on the phrase, “Be still and listen, then respond with love.” This approach to God and others will help us build healthy relationships and have productive conversations even with people we don’t agree with.
This week, we’ll be focused on listening. I’ve heard it said that God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason. We have to be willing to listen more than we speak. That’s something I need to be reminded of a lot, because I love to talk.
Before we jump in, let’s start with a quick definition:
listen — to give attention with the ear; attend closely with the purpose of hearing; the act of concentrating on hearing something; the act of paying attention
Listening is an art. Some people are naturally better listeners than others, but either way, it’s a skill that you can learn. You can become better at it through practice.
And it’s important that we do so. Listening is key in our faith and our interpersonal relationships. If we don’t know how to listen, then we don’t stand a chance at developing the deep, healthy relationships that we each need in our lives.
In order to become good listeners, we need to do three things.
1. Want to listen.
First of all, we have to have the desire to listen to others. We have to care enough about them to actually want to hear them out.
Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to be alone? When you didn’t want to talk to anyone or listen to them? I’ve been there.
Last week, I worked an 80-hour week. It was grueling. After working those long hours, I was worn out. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, not even to God.
The truth is that God has the ability to force us to listen, but He doesn’t do that. We can choose not to listen if we want to. It’s not a wise choice, but we can do it. And when we do, things start to fall apart.
If we want to grow in our relationship with God, we have to want to listen to Him.
And we have to want to listen to other people, too.
If our hearts aren’t set on truly listening to others and hearing what they have to say, then we may as well stop there. We’re not going to get any further. Our relationships won’t grow. We won’t have productive conversations. It’s impossible to do so without listening.
So before you get into a conversation with someone, you have to choose right then and there. You have to say, “I want to listen to this person. I’m going to choose to want to hear them out.” That’s the first step, and it’s an important one.
2. Really listen.
After that, we have to actually listen to them. There’s a huge difference between hearing and listening. Listening means you give the other person your full attention and you actually care about what they have to say.
Real listening means you hear them out. It means you seek to understand them and their point of view. We don’t always have to try to fix everything; but we must simply listen.
Ask yourself, “What is this person really trying to tell me? What kind of pain are they really dealing with? Am I not seeing something that I need to see here?”
I’ve found it helpful sometimes to repeat back to the person what I’m hearing them say. I’ll tell them, “Here’s what I think you’re telling me.” And then they can let me know that I heard correctly, or they can clarify if I got it wrong. This way, I’m making sure that I understand what they’re communicate.
Years ago when the internet was just beginning to boom, I started an online business that I thought was going to make me a millionaire. I was dead set on becoming an internet entrepreneur.
My wife and my in-laws tried to tell me that they were concerned I wasn’t making the right call. They didn’t like that I was putting all of my chips in this one basket. But I didn’t listen to them. I kept moving ahead. Can you guess what happened next?
Well, I didn’t become an internet millionaire, I can tell you that. If I had listened to those close to me and taken their advice, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and trouble. I wouldn’t have wasted that time and money on something that didn’t work out.
But I didn’t listen. I heard what they were saying, but I didn’t really pay attention to their advice. That was a mistake.
I wonder how many divorces happen because someone isn’t really willing to listen? How many kids don’t have a relationship with their parents because they don’t feel heard? How many friendships are broken and lost over a lack of listening and empathy?
If we want to have healthy relationships with God, with our loved ones, and with people we meet every day, we have to really listen to them. There’s no other way. We have to really listen.
3. Listen humbly.
Finally, we have to practice humility when we’re listening to others.
You’d be amazed how far a little bit of grace can get you when dealing with others. Even the smallest amount of understanding can turn what would be a hostile conversation into a productive one.
The truth is that no one understands everything, and we never will. If we want to continue to learn, we have to be willing to sincerely and humbly listen to others.
If people know you’re someone who truly listens, they’ll continue coming to you. On the other hand, if you’re prideful and argue with them instead of hearing them out, they probably won’t talk to you next time. That potential for relationship will be lost.
Humility is key to truly listening.
I was on a job recently where I was working under someone who was much younger than me. He was newer to field, still learning, but he was in charge, so I did what he said. It didn’t bother me any, as long as we got the job done.
We ran into a problem while we were working that this young man thought we weren’t able to solve. Having experience with this issue, I jumped in and started working on it. I took charge of this particular problem and got it worked out. We were able to move on and complete the job!
I could tell from his mannerisms that he wasn’t a big fan of me jumping in like that. He was in charge, and he didn’t want me taking the lead on this task. But the reality is that I had something valuable to offer, and he gained a lot by taking the back seat for a bit and listening to me. Then he was able to take the lead again, and we got done what we needed to do.
Are we ever like that? Do we get too proud to listen to others even when they know better than we do?
I’ve definitely been there before. There were times I could have learned a lot if I’d only had the humility to listen. I don’t want to make that mistake again, and I hope you don’t, either.
When we listen with humility, whether it’s to God or to other people, we can learn a lot about the world, about the experiences of others, and even about ourselves. And learning is a wonderful thing! Why wouldn’t we want to listen humbly and hear what other people have to say?
Here’s my takeaway question for you this week: What kind of listener are you?
Are you a willing, sincere, humble listener? Or are you reluctant, half-hearted, and too proud to really learn anything new? I know what kind of listener I want to be.
I want to encourage you to be a better listener to others, and most importantly, to God. By putting these practices into place, we can sharpen our listening skills and become better at relating to others in the process.
That’s all for this week. I hope you’ll join me next week as we continue this series. I know I’m enjoying it so far; hopefully you are, too. Until next time…
To your fitness!