“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” —Romans 12:19-21
We’ve come to part three in our series, “Be Still and Listen, Then Respond with Love.” This week: responding.
Figuring out the right way to respond to the people and situations we encounter isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be downright confusing somethings. But it’s essential to our relational and spiritual fitness that we come to understand the proper way to respond to other people and to God.
Just like the topics we’ve discussed the past couple of weeks, how we respond to others is key to building healthy relationships.
I’d like to illustrate this point with a story. This past week, I was traveling for work, and there happened to be a Starbucks coffee shop next to where I was staying. I love Starbucks, not only for their coffee, but also for their water. It’s triple-filtered, and I drink it anytime I can.
The problem was that by the time I finished working for the day, Starbucks would be closed. I’d drive by and check every night on my way back to the hotel, and they’d already be shut down for the day, so I couldn’t get the coffee or water that I wanted.
Until one day when I pulled into the drive-thru, and the menu screen was still turned on! I was so excited. I thought I had finally made it to Starbucks in time to order. And after working all day in that Texas heat, I could really go for some refreshing Starbucks water.
Well, I waited at the speaker for a while and no one said anything, so I pulled up the window and saw that there were people inside. Thinking they might have just missed me the first time, I pulled around to the speaker again. And then to the window. Still nothing.
So I decided I’d just go inside and order. As I was getting out of my car and walking up to the door, a large man came out and yelled, “You can’t come in here! We’re closed!” I have to say he was very rude—mean even. I was stunned.
I told him I was sorry and walked back to my car to process the situation for a second. One thing you need to know about me: When I’m in the right about something, I’m not afraid to tell the other person, and he had been extremely rude. So I waited a few minutes for him to come back out, and then I started to approach him so we could talk.
As soon as he saw me, he gruffly said, “I’m sorry, but we’re closed.”
I responded, “You don’t have to be sorry, but you can be kind.” And then, as I was walking back to my car, I said something that I could tell frustrated him. I said as sincerely as I could, “May God bless you, sir.” And I drove off.
After all that, I had to really ask myself: “Did you say that for the right purpose? Or were you being a little spiteful in the way you responded to him?”
That’s when I decided to stop, put my feelings about the situation said, and pray for this man who had just been rude to me. I truly asked God to bless him, and I felt like that how I was supposed to respond to the whole situation.
Was my response to this man’s behavior perfect? Probably not. Are there things I could do better next time I’m in a similar situation? Most definitely. How we respond to others is so, so important.
It’s especially important given the current state of everything. We’re all on-edge and fed up with all that’s happening in our world right now. We live in difficult times. Everybody’s hurting; everybody has struggles and problems. And we need to keep that in mind when we’re choosing how to respond to others.
I do my best not to respond to any situation too quickly. I’ve learned that I need to have God behind my actions, not just myself. Really, everything we do should come from God, and we can’t respond in a godly way if we’re being rash or impulsive.
So when I feel like I’ve been mistreated, I stop and ask myself a few questions before I respond:
- How are you? Often, my response to others has a lot less to do with them than it does with me. Is there something going on in my life or attitude that might be affecting how I want to respond? How do I account for that in what I’m about to say or do?
- Did I cause this? Did they? Was it a mutual thing? It’s easy to play the victim, but often, when we evaluate a situation, we find that we had a part to play in creating it, too. Either way, we need to have an accurate understanding of why we are where we are.
- Is this person hurting? Are they having a difficult day? Just like my circumstances can affect my behavior, so can other people’s circumstances affect theirs. I need to give them the same grace and understsanding that I give myself.
- Is this even worth responding to? Once we get past our initial emotional reactions to things, we often realize that they aren’t all that important at all. Something that I think is a big deal turns out not to matter in the long run. Before we react, we need to ask ourselves if the situation is even worth responding to or if it’s better just to walk away.
- What should I say? How should I say it? I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the feeling of sticking my foot in my mouth. That’s why I always try to think through what I’m going to say to someone before I begin to speak. It’s saved me a lot of trouble over the years.
The human brain is capable of processing a lot of information all at once. It’s better than any computer out there. Quickly going through these questions before we respond to someone can help us do so appropriately and avoid saying something we might regret down the line.
And of course, we also need to be sure that our responses are godly. We do that by spending time in God’s word, saturating ourselves with it and soaking it up like a sponge. That way, when we’re out in the world responding to people, God’s word will flow out of us because we’re already so filled with it ourselves.
Finally, we need to have empathy for other people in the ways we respond to them. Just as other people can never fully understand what we’re going through, we can never fully understand what they’re going through, either. Everyone has their own set of difficulties, and we need to keep that in mind when we respond to others.
One final story before we go: There once was a man who was traveling by train with his three young children. The kids were being a little unruly: playing loudly, grabbing stuff, looking out the window. This man, their father, wasn’t paying much attention and was letting them run around.
Another passenger got frustrated with the kids, so he came up to the man and said, “Can’t you control your kids? My goodness!”
The man immediately responded, “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll try to get them to settle down. It’s just been hard to focus on anything lately. You see, we just lost their mother.”
The passenger thought this man was being a bad parent, but really, he was just not responding well to life because of the recent loss of his wife. He gained a whole new perspective on the situation when he saw what was happening behind the scenes.
Do you get the moral of this story? You never know what another person might be dealing with. And that’s why it’s so important for us to respond to others the right way.
Of course, that way is always with love. That’s our topic for next week, which will be the final part of this series.
For this week, here’s my takeaway question to you: How are you responding to others? Can you do better? I hope that you’ll use the tools and lessons we’ve discussed today to respond to others the right way.
That’s all for now. Thank you as always for reading, and I’ll talk to you again soon.
To your fitness!